


Where We Stand

by Khellamendra



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Heavy Angst, Langstron Gift Exchange 2019, M/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 14:33:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20547740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khellamendra/pseuds/Khellamendra
Summary: Lance is sure he's destined for great things and for a life as a hero among the stars. What he wasn't expecting was to start to fall for the person that he used to be jealous of and how it would change his life.Now at this moment he can't help but wonder if it was ever real.





	Where We Stand

**Author's Note:**

> This was my piece for the Langstron event. I ended up being paired with someone that wanted the max level of angst so hopefully, I delivered. Please mind the tags, this is not a happy fic.

Lance had always felt that he was destined for something more than the mundane life he had been granted. At least he had always hoped so. 

School was hard. No matter what he tried his grades never seemed to improve, always stuck at barely average. He knew he wasn’t stupid but he just couldn’t pull the number to prove it. His mother would always tell him how amazing he was but Lance had never _felt_ it. He would sit in his room and stare at the book, thinking about how he was going to fail this one too. It took everything he had just to keep his head above water. All while his siblings easily became more and more successful, leaving him in the dust. Everything they did was actually worth getting praise. Maybe his mother thought she was subtle but he could see the difference. 

The only time he felt at peace was laying under the stars, thinking about how life might be out there. Of all the things he could discover, the stories he would have to tell if he ever made it up there. The first human to discover an alien race or visit a planet no one had ever seen. To do things that no one else ever had. It was a silly dream but it put a smile on his face every time. 

When the vids started to play of Takashi Shirogane, the hero of the Galaxy Garrison, he was instantly hooked. The guy was so cool and Lance was sure when he was talking, it was straight to him. He was determined to go no matter what. Lance would bother his oldest sister endlessly with questions about what it was like, what they might be looking for and if she had ever met Takashi Shirogane. It became obvious that she didn’t think he could do it. All his life he had heard _that_ tone. The one people liked to use when they thought he was being unreasonable as if having a dream was a bad thing. It didn’t matter, once he had something in his head he wouldn’t let it go. 

The day the letter came, he had been terrified. Sucking in a deep breath he ripped it open and quickly scanned it before he could lose his nerve. Reading it again and then again no matter how many times he looked at it, nothing change. 

He had been accepted. 

Even then he still wasn’t good enough. He was placed in the cargo pilot program instead of the fight pilot program. Once again he had done his best and it hadn’t been good enough. At least he ended up being roommates with the guy he had befriended at orientation. Hunk was such a rock for him, giving genuine praise and encouragement no matter what happened. When he failed a simulation or got laughed at by another girl Hunk was also there to help build him back up. There was one thing that could sour his mood.

Keith Kogane.

Keith Kogane who was amazing at the simulator, at the tests, and practically everything and who got to hang out with Takashi Shirogane,_ his hero_. He had everything and Lance was absolutely jealous. The guy never talked to anyone that wasn’t Shirogane and yet people fell over themselves to want to talk to him. He would brush them all off and go off to be a loner while Lance was trying to get anyone to actually give him a chance. 

So yeah he was a _little_ jealous.

Then the Kerberos mission happened and it’s crew dead. Lance didn’t realize how much he actually missed seeing Keith around until he wasn’t there anymore. There were rumors about what had happened but there was no way for him to guess which were true and which weren’t. What he did know was that with Keith gone that left a spot open in the fighter pilot program and with it a renewed chance at his dreams. Except he still wasn’t good enough. Granted Hunk and the mysterious and slightly anti-social Pidge Gunderson had screwed up too but being berated again in front of everyone had left a heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Maybe he had hidden in the bathroom for a while after that until he could get himself together. Bless Hunk for never commenting on it, just offering him a baked good he had made himself and trying to come up with something fun for them to do. 

Except Lance couldn’t go down without a fight and that night had been especially bad Sitting around watching old movies wasn’t going to cut it. What they had lacked was teamwork and if he was going to be the leader he needed to fix it. Until they caught Pidge sneaking out and decided to follow up on that instead. 

Looking back he knew that had been the moment where destiny had been knocking and he had answered. 

Being a Paladin of Voltron was scary and cool and space was so much more than he had ever imagined. Keith was there which sucked because the guy already had everything and now he had this too. Still, he had some redeeming qualities and maybe he wasn’t as bad as Lance made him out to be. Was he still jealous of everything Keith had? 

Absolutely.

Yet the more they worked together and interacted the more the jealousy started to wane. The more it started to shift into something, confusing. 

Lance wasn’t sure when it had shifted or what it had shifted into. He went from being so jealous that he started a fight just to stop Keith from looking so perfect to sitting next to him, arm slung over the couch in the lounge as he played on his phone. He couldn’t make calls, hadn’t been able to talk to his family in what felt like forever. It was his homesickness that had earned him the scar on his back that he couldn’t stand to look at in the mirror. The skin there never felt quite right either but he had learned how to distract himself from it for the most part. 

It was that time on the couch when he had felt a weight settle against his side. Looking down, he was surprised to see the mess of black hair so close to his face. Keith was dead to the world and snoring softly even though he would deny it later. He had almost dropped his arm down to wrap around the shorter boy before realizing how weird that would be. Lance didn’t wake him up either though. Seeing Keith wake up later, blinking owlishly and looking up at him so confused was the cutest thing ever. He had no idea why that thought had entered his head, getting flustered which got Keith flustered. The pair had separated quickly, each making up an excuse before running in opposite directions. 

He had talked about it with Hunk that night, the pair staying up far later than they should have as Lance worked through it. By the time he had stumbled back to his room, yawning the whole way he wasn’t sure he was any closer. The not so subtle looks their leader kept throwing his way confirmed but the blue paladin had already known would happen. Keith always talked to Shiro about everything and the looks they gave one another had Lance wondering. Whatever they talked about never came up or maybe they had just gotten to busy. Keith, as it turned out, wasn’t even completely human, he was at least half of the same race they were fighting. With him came others like him, a whole secret organization that had been working in the shadows. 

It was like a bad movie but he would be lying if he said that he didn’t find the whole thing exciting. 

At least until Zarkon had been defeated and Shiro went missing. With that off their list, they had refocused on freeing planets and building their coalition. They were also down a leader and Keith was returning to how he had been before which was the last thing Lance wanted. Seeing Keith hurting left such a pain in his chest that he couldn’t ignore it. He knew how Keith was feeling but after everything they had been through, he also knew that they didn’t stand a chance without Voltron. It wasn’t easy to get Keith onboard but Lance approached it with as much empathy and support as he could. 

He was rewarded by becoming the right hand of Voltron, slipping into a more permanent support role for Keith. It was hard to leave Blue and even harder to get used to Red and the lion’s temperamental attitude but he sucked it up for Keith. It also meant more one on one conversations as they worked together to try and get the team through this and try to find Shiro. Lance didn’t want to admit that he wasn’t certain Shiro would ever come back but every time Keith came back empty-handed after a long search, Lance could see him slipping a little bit more. It was after one particular night in Keith’s room, going over planets, moons, and outposts the Blades had provided him that it had all come to a head. Keith wanted to put it off so he could have longer to look for Shiro. 

Lance might have said something he shouldn’t have. If asked he wouldn’t be able to recall what it was. All he remembered was the anger and the hiss of pain as his back connected painfully with the wall. He had braced himself for the punch he probably deserved but instead warm lips had come down hard on his. The floor was just as hard and unforgiving but his hands were buried in raven hair, mouth occupied and he didn’t care anymore. The conversation had completely changed after that and they spend the rest of the night with Keith leaning into Lance as they talked. This time he did put his arm around him. 

Their budding relationship changed a lot between them, some good and some bad. Keith continued to obsess with finding Shiro. They had long since talked about his relationship with the other. Shiro was more than family but not someone Keith had any romantic interest in. There wasn’t a good word for it and Lance accepted that. It didn’t stop him from being jealous of how devoted Keith was to Shiro. Hunk had pointed out that they had known each other for longer and done more for each other than Lance and Keith. It didn’t stop Keith from coming to his room in the middle of the night, not able to stand to sleep alone. They both yearned for affection, Lance always being rejected and Keith being too afraid to try. Having someone to hold at night was something neither of them had known they wanted so badly. 

Then Keith actually managed to find Shiro and things changed. 

The familiar jealousy had come up again even. Keith reassured him that it was nothing like what they had but Lance knew that their bond was still stronger. Keith wanted Shiro to be the leader again, to regain the confidence he had lost after their battle with Zarkon. Lance couldn’t fault him for that, but Keith started coming to his room less and less. Distancing himself from the team to spend more time with the Blades, shying away from his duties. Lance could see what he was trying to do and he _hated_ it. He wanted to believe in Keith, believe that he was going to have their backs just as much as he would hope to hear the sound of his door opening. Except Keith didn’t show up. 

Not at his door and not to the mission. 

They had planned it for weeks and it was important but the black lion was nowhere to be seen and they were in trouble. When the black lion had shown up and saved them, he had actually felt hope for the first time in a while. The voice that came through the com was like a bucket of ice water. Keith had gotten what he wanted, he had forced Shiro to confront himself and take the Black lion back. 

Standing on the bridge, he had never felt more disappointed in his life. None of them talked, still processing what had happened. When the door opened, he hadn’t wanted to face Keith but he forced himself to even though indigo eyes refused to look at him. Instead, they were on Shiro as they always were. It was to Shiro that he told apologized. It was to Shiro that he confessed that he was going to leave Voltron for the Blades. Never once would he look at Lance, to acknowledge ever knife he was stabbing into the other teen’s heart. Keith had never mentioned this to him, never indicated he would _leave_

Was Lance so incapable of being good enough that Keith had to step aside _again_ in order for him to be apart of anything? Did he not mean enough to Keith for him to give any kind of warning, to even look at him? He was never more grateful that everyone else was getting emotion because there was no way he could have kept back the tears this time. Despite all his years of practice, it was too difficult this time and there were a million things he had wanted to say. 

_Please don’t go. Don’t leave me here alone. I need you. No one understands me like you do. _

_I love you._

Instead, he stayed silent and it was the most painful thing he had ever done. Keith had sacrificed to help Shiro but in the process, he had taken Lance’s heart with him. 

Maybe that was how he had ended up where he was now. 

It had been a pretty simple mission. Check out a nearby planet and investigate the signal being broadcasted. Something they had done a million times over and one that Lance could do in his sleep. Not that he got much these days but his body had adjusted and he got by well enough. The planet itself was comprised mostly of jagged rocks, giant mountains, and deep canyons. Pidge had reported that there didn’t seem to be any life on the planet but they needed to be certain. Even without anyone around, the signal could mean something that might help them free the universe. 

He and Pidge had gone down together before agreeing to split up in order to scan faster. The planet was vast and prone to violent storms that neither of them wanted to be caught in. Lance wanted to find it, wanting to find something useful. If he was useful then Shiro would rely on him more and he could at least feel useful, something he hadn’t really felt since Keith left. Shiro was moodier and more aggitated. Lance wasn’t sure what he did most days to get under their leader’s skin but he had been second-guessing himself quite a bit because of it. When it had popped up on his scanner there was a small inkling of hope. 

“Lance we need to go. A storm is going to be starting soon.” 

This planet was so big and it all looked the same from above. Leaving now meant losing all their progress. This was his chance to fulfill his goal of being a hero and he wasn’t going to let it slip by. 

“I’ve got a lead on the signal, can’t leave now. I can see a large cave up ahead that Red can easily fit in. We’ll be fine.” 

“Lance wait don’t-” 

Whatever Pidge was going to say became garbled as the communication went in and out, a product of the incoming storm. It was far too late for him to leave now, the first strike of lightning almost striking the lion. Only quick reflexes had saved him and he would need them to get to the cave. It did open up with more than enough space for his lion. Eventually, it started to get more and more narrow until there was no way to move forward except on foot. 

It was pitch black when he stepped out, the light on his arm not doing much to pierce it. Pulling up the map, it flickered in and out but the dot for the signal was still there. Even this far in he could hear the sounds of the storm echoing into the cavern. Shaking it off, he headed cautiously into the cavern. Keeping an eye on the map, the journey was slow, cursing under his breath when he wasn’t careful enough. The suit didn’t do much to save him from the sharp rocks that were all around him. It didn’t help that the map kept flickering in and out while he tried to navigate. Coming to a crossroads, he looked at it again but it was flickering so badly that he couldn’t get a good read on where to go. Smacking the arm guard, that seemed to help until it gave one more flicker and then cut out. 

Shining the light back and forth, he sucked in a breath and decided to just choose. It didn’t take long for him to start to think that maybe he had chosen wrong. Without his map and with this darkness he didn’t think his chance of finding the signal was very good so he turned around. 

At least he thought he had but after a while, he had to concede that he should have been back at his lion by now. Panic started to bubble up but he forced it down. He couldn’t find his way back, he just had to think clearly and work it out. Even if he was lost, the others would be able to come find him when the storm ended. That was probably the whole reason his map was messed up. It would pass soon and then he would be out of here and they could all yell at him for being stupid. That was perfectly fine as long as he got out of here. He just had to get out, it could be that hard. There was no way he had gone that far from the lion. 

Moving his arm back and forth, he knew he was starting to shake as the panic started to set in. Swallowing thickly he tried to push it down. Logically he should stop instead of getting himself more lost but stopping meant being stuck in the darkness with nothing to distract him. Moving at least gave him something to do. 

Stepping forward, his foot sank slightly and his stomach sank as he suddenly pitched forward. He didn’t have time to even scream before a pain ripped through his arm, his back, everywhere as he grazed more of the jagged rocks as he felt. Then there was nothing. 

He had no idea how long he had been out. The only thing he was aware of was the lack of pain. Lance had remembered so much of it on the way down but now he couldn’t feel the pain in his arms or his legs. He realized through the haze that he couldn’t feel _anything_ and that was infinitely scarier. All he could do was lay there in the darkness and reminisce on what had brought him to this moment. He didn’t even know if it was really that dark or if he had simply gone blind. Lance wasn’t sure it even mattered. 

At this moment he wondered if anyone would ever find him. What would Keith think? Would he even care?

_Had he ever cared?_

Sucking in a shuddering breath, his mind paused on that. Keith had left them behind, had left _him_. Had he just been using Lance, a convenient body to help chase nightmares away and cope until Shiro returned? Did he sneak into one of the Blade’s rooms for that same comfort now? 

Tears were the only thing he could feel and he was so scared. If Keith were here he would probably hold him, stroke his hair and tell him it would be alright. Just as he had done when the homesickness got to be too much. Fingers gently stroking over the scar on his back and telling him that it was his hero mark. 

A shaky smile slowly spread across his face at the memory. 

Keith would save him.


End file.
